What is it worth?

Several years ago, I attended a formal ceremony with the Fire Department for the funeral of a retired firefighter who had served long before I had become a member. I regret to use the term ‘routine’ when referring to these events, but they do happen with a disheartening frequency in this service, so when I use the term ‘formal ceremony’ to describe this, it is only because this happens quite a few times during the year.

Of the many funerals I’ve attended, there was one that really touched me and changed the way I’ve looked at my family and the life that I lead.

As the life of the man was described in great detail during the ceremony, I realized that I had neither known him personally nor known anything about the life had lived.

He had lived the life of a professional musician from an early age when Nashville artists picked him up due to his amazing steel guitar (also known as ‘lap steel’) playing. He was given an amazing gift with this ability that brought him to stages around the world as a star player. Next to the pulpit stood his instrument in silent tribute to this part of his life and the gift he had also given with his talents to this church.

He had toured with some amazing names that have dotted the country music landscape of the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s. Names that are famous even to this day were listed as his accolades.

His life changed when he met a woman and fell in love. He decided to settl down, have children, and leave behind the life of a travelling musician to become a faithful husband and devoted father.

It was at this point that he decided to join the fire department, which has long symbolized the lighthouse of stability in communities and within the lives of its members. This was a perfect match that allowed him to be with his kids as they grew up while also giving back to the community.

He was well loved by all the members of the department and several of my older colleagues gave to the eulogy in the form of stories of their past experiences.

His musical abilities did not fade with his new life as passing musicians would often get him to come out and play in nearby venues during the years. He also headed up the band at his local church.

The most amazing and impacting portion of the service came at the end when each of his four children read aloud letters that each had written to him after he had passed.

It is in these letters that not only did he find immortality but that my own realizations of my life came to fruition.

As each of his children read, I realized just how much this man had impacted the lives of his children. Not only did they love their father, as you would expect from a close family like this, but they loved their relationship with their parents so much so that after each one of them had grown up and gone to college, they all had purposely moved back home, bought property, and build their own homes in the area that surrounded their parents. They literally lived on the same block.

Each of his children now had children of their own. A picture emerged of a huge family that did everything together: weekend family dinners, vacations, and camping trips.

Their father’s retirement dream come true was in meeting those grandchildren every day when the bus dropped them off at the end of his drive way and spending the rest of the day helping with homework, teaching, playing, making dinner, and spending time together.

There was a tremendous amount of love in this family, and you could feel this in the tears and emotions that poured from each of the four.

Each letter had stated just how hard their lives would be without him there as a major influence not only on their dreams but on their children’s as well.

This was an incredible man with an incredible gift for loving.

Each member of that family will love and remember him for the rest of their lives as they will have these memories to treasure each and every day.

In thinking about my own life as I sat there, I could feel that if ever there was a way to be remembered, this would be the way that I would want it to be. This would be the impact that I would want to leave behind. This is the life that I would want to lead.

His children now live on… together… but without him. In his passing, they are amiss from his presence, but not from his life lessons and love… in that, they are guided daily and know that his image lives on.

jp

Today, Tomorrow, and Forever

What would you do if you knew today was your last day to live?

There would be no more tomorrow. These last few hours are all that you have left with family, friends, dreams, and your life.

· Would you stay sitting at your computer ‘till the late night hours helping the company you work for improve its bottom line?
· Would you run out screaming into the streets in pure panic?
· Would you fall into a fetal ball crumbling under the humbling emotions of a terminal nature?
· Would you live out some fantasy you’ve never had the courage to overcome?

This is a tough question to ask, but it is one that I try to ask myself every day.

We never know what our last moment will be on this planet, at least not at this age, and this mantra helps keep my focus towards the things that really matter.

· Is it really worth me getting caught up with the fact that the kids are going to bed later than they probably should justbecause I’m spending time reading books and playing games with them?
· Should I really be upset that I’m letting a deadline slip at the office so I can come home on time to be with my wife and children?
· Shouldn't being mad at Jocie for unrolling yet another toilet paper roll on the floor be less important than realizing the fun she’s just had doing it and enjoying the moment of bliss she’s having?

The interactions we create with other life paths should be one of our most important goals in thinking about living our lifes.

What role should material possesions play in our lives?

I love my toys… I really do… they make me happy, that much is true, but the truth is you can’t take these things with you when you “go.”

This is true, but one other aspect to consider is how these material possessions help us to create and remember events and people that have touched our lives: pictures, movies, music, buildings, travel, etc (you get the picture).

It's not what you have that matters, it's what you do with it that really counts.

In a recent segment on NPR, an author released a book on the geography of happiness. This was an interesting segment that pointed out that the US is not a very happy place to live, and that even small underdeveloped nations can experience greater amounts of joy by just living out their lives to the fullest rather than getting caught up in money and success.

One of the other points the author makes is that to experience life-long joy, one of the things we need to do is to spend at least fifteen minutes a day thinking about death.

Wierd, huh?

What a revelation this was to hear and to put into practice in our own lives.

Thinking about death and how much we need to pack in the meaningful things between the bookends that surround our existence has taught me about what matters most.

It has taught me that I need to make memories with my kids.

Make joy for my wife.

If I die tomorrow, what will define my immortality?

Even though we may be gone, what imprint do we leave in the memories and impressions of those we leave behind?

In a controversial discussion about the one single person who had the greatest impact on the 20th century, the name of Adolf Hitler kept coming to the front of the list. While at first I was appalled at just the thought of this horrible man getting any form of credit after the horrors he brought on mankind, but after further reflection, I realized that although his actions were atrocious, he may have had the greatest impact on life in the past hundred years.

This is not the history I’d like to create for myself, but, I use it as an example about making an impact.

I would really like to have an impact on people and the lives I’ve touched, and in a good way.

So, ask yourself these questions each day. Try to live life to its fullest. Don’t sweat the small stuff (Joanne… this means you!!!) and live today in the image you’d like to remember yourself as in death or in late life.

jp

Fire Department Quandry - Update

The impasse about the Fire Department has been resolved, at least temporarily for now (I still have yet to respond to a call....). The cross roads of the decision process have been passed, and it feels like we may have moved beyond it without actually putting a whole lot of thought into where we're going... at least from my part.

If it sounds like I'm still on the fence, well, thats because I am. It feels better to stay, I know my heart is in it, but the clock of time seems to be against me, as I'm just running out of it before I've even had the chance to put any towards the Fire Department.

The greatest dissappointment comes from my feelings about my son's commitment and pride of his father being a firefighter. If I judge myself through his eyes, then it should be something that unequivically belongs in my life. He looks up to me. He brags about it. Every night when I come home, I get the "Emergency Vehicle" update from him: a listing of where and when he say police cars, ambulances, and fire trucks throughout the day. His parents are fully convinced that this boy is going to grow into a firefighter himself, one day.

With his commitment and passion about this, who am I to have problems within my own convictions? It seems so simple when I think about it from his viewpoint, and indeed, the actual job really is. It gives back as much as you put into it. The problem is the time side of it. I have none.

And so, I drift in a sea of uncertainty on a boat made of hope floating towards the city of life using a paddle crafted from my own problems propelled by the energy of my desires.

What I really need is a weather report to know if another storm is coming that I should heed.

What about the tides?

Is there a current in this sea?

Sun screen... should have brought some of that too.

Maybe soon the Sun will come out to clear up this fog of discontent.

If I delay too long, a decision will be made for me, and then the throughts of punishment from the lack of involvment will devastate my pride in the job I've done and the service I've given to those that brought me into the fire service in the first place.

Most of all, I'll feel like I've let myself and my son down.

Who are we if not viewed favorably in the eyes of those we love most? I know, I know, he'll always love me... but, maybe, just maybe, I need to push myself a little more... earn his love a little more... give him pride in his father... lead with a good example... show him I am the hero he believes me to be... walk a path that he can follow... view that sunset of our lives together...

Joey? Where's your paddle?

jp