Our eldest daughter, now three and a half, decided that this morning would be the perfect time to wage protest to the "Mommy Committee" that she would like a different transportation arrangement."Mommy?"
"...yes"
"I don't want daddy to drive me to school anymore. I want you to."
Thinking quickly, something my wife is most excellent at, she retorted: "But, I think daddy likes driving you to school sweetheart. How 'bout I walk you out to daddy's car."
And just like that, an issue as seemingly critical as the cessation of violence in the West Bank was put to rest, and a happy mother and daughter marched out the front door.
As is common in our morning routine, my wife and I kiss before parting, but, as this was a cold morning, I had already gotten into the front seat and closed the door before remembering our habit. So, being cute, my wife stepped up on the running board of my truck and leaned in through an open window to give our parting gift.
At the end of the drive way, I hear the voice from my back seat saying "but I didn't get to say 'bye' to mommy... I want the window down". Down the window goes and a high pitched three year old shrill "bye mommy!" is ejected.
I attempt to roll the window back up, but am immediately greeted with: "no, daddy, I want the window down."
I attempt to advise her that it was cold (31 degrees to be exact) this morning and that the window should be up, and attempted to roll it up.
"UNRHHP!! I WANT THE WINDOW BACK DOWN!"
Not wanting the already escalated situation to wax any further, I give in.
She happily waved her hand out the window, and I am increasingly aware that my ear is starting to get numb from the cold air that is blowing in through her window, around the back of the truck, and right up to it.
I turn the heat up a little higher to compensate.
I make sure I'm doing EXACTLY the speed limit and secretly hoping at the same time that I don't hit any red lights on the way in an effort to maximize the discomfort level of the offending protagonist that forced the frigid situation on the me in the first place.
Our morning travels are typically much more amicable with conversations about where we're going, what color the house is we just passed, why I should allow her to fill my tank with gas again, or that I really should get a car wash since my vehicle is 'very dirty' - whether true or not.
But, this flagrant disregard for obvious improper climatic abuse is something I'd only expect out of this specific daughter. My son would never consider this. After 30 seconds of similar punishment, he'd have begged for the window to be put back up. But not her. She's like a bull running headstrong through a crowd, and far be it for anyone to disagree with her about anything, for she will drive on - right or wrong.
I try again to affect change on the current situation.
"Honey, it's really cold outside and daddy is freezing. Can I please roll the window up?"
Oh boy....
Said ever so sweetly and making me feel crazy for even suggesting such a thing, I get....
"It's not cold out, its warm out. Its nice and warm and not windy. It's sunny. I like this."
"But, I'm really cold."
"No you're not."
As if it's not enough to tell me what I'm not feeling, she decides to strip me of everything that I am...
"stop talking. you're not my daddy. you're not mommy's husband. you're not my favorite any more. you're not putting my window up and you're not here."
Silence.
Normally, I try to win these battles, but, as she gets older, they seem to be harder and harder to win. Who ever thought it was easy being a parent hasn't spent much time with their own prodigy in intellectual debates that come from some of the most simple obersvations.
I pout. I tell her that I am her daddy and that I still love her.
"Oh, you're right, you're my daddy."
Phew, negotiated my way out of that one.
By now, we're about 15 minutes into our morning drive, and through all 15 minutes her window has been fully rolled down.
I slow to the light just a block away from her school.
"Daddy, I think I want my window up now."
As if needing to justify the request and make it seem like she's not giving in, she adds...
"but, just because I can't see out of the window."
I roll the window up, and she stops me at about 1/2 way.
"That's enough daddy."
The left turn lane gets a green arrow as we still wait at our red light. We used to spend this time joshing each other about what the different street light colors meant - "red means stop", "green means go", "yellow means slow down". I'd often try changing the different actions with the colors, only to be harshly corrected: "No daddy, you're wrong, red means stop!" I've also spent the better part of 3 months worth of playing different male princes seen in all of her favorite Disney princess movies. I'm regularly "Prince Phillip", "Prince Charming", "Prince Eric", or even "The Beast". But, not this morning.
"Ahmm, actually, I think I want my window all the way up."
Up it goes.
"Daddy?"
I hesitate, worrying some other demand is about to be waged, but, we're only a block away.
"Yes, honey?"
"I love you."
Ahh, and just like that, all the pain in my left ear, the freezing legs I have, the heat blasting the other side of my face, and the potential loss of yet another argument to my daughter are assuaged by a simple three word statement.
We pull up outside her school, and I jump out and run over to pull her out and walk her in, as is our morning tradition, much to the frustration of the droves of parents in cars that form a singular line for the drop the morning drop off.
"Daddy, the bear is going to throw me away in the garbage."
"What bear?"
"His name is in the movie."
"Well, you tell him 'no to'".
I long ago started the accidental tradition of the kids saying 'not to' instead of actually negotiating against the pending outcome. I'm sure it was in response to something like: "Daddy, the doggy licked my face." "Well, you tell him not to." And she took it literally. "NOT TO!"
"But, if I tell him 'not to', he'll just eat me instead."
"How 'bout we tell the bear to just focus on eating honey instead."
"ok."
jp
No comments:
Post a Comment