Reverse Psychology with Jessamyn

Have I made a mistake in my parenting?

As parental tempers fly sky high around actions made by our daughter Jessamyn, our assertions and disciplinary attempts are met with a careless and flippant attitude that only serves to escalate already tense situations.

We now have to push our envelope further than is comfortable to illicit an appropriate response from her when trying to correct even simple actions. Trying to get her to take eating dinner seriously, understanding that grabbing her younger sister’s head and rolling it around like a beach ball, or that hitting her older brother with a magic wand on his head while screaming “bibbity bobbity boo” are all inappropriate actions all result in a giggling crazed three year old that runs off without remorse for her behaviors.


At first, I can mark this up to her age’s still developing understanding of cause and effect, but, in looking at some of the early methods I utilized while parenting her, I am starting to worry that what I once thought was cute is now surfacing as a hideous beast.

When Jessamyn was very young, I used to play with exposing her to different human emotional responses to her actions. I encoded reverse responses to appropriate reactions on her part in a hopes of fostering a happy and carefree infant.

For example, if she would ‘coo’, I would respond in very stern and harsh tones (like someone would if they were very upset about an action) as my reward for her actions.

Most of my reactions were massively embellished in an over-the-top response intended to get her to laugh or giggle.

A happy response to my actions would result in praise, tickles, and hugs, which in turn fostered the inappropriate response to discipline.

For most of our interactions, I applied the flipped response which would seem backwards when compared with normal human interactions. Though never actually feeling the anger I was portraying, I kept pushing this reverse psychology onto Jessamyn as she grew into a toddler.

Her normal appropriate actions would result in an inappropriate parental response of extreme discipline and strong emotions, which, once she laughed at would result in praise.

Abnormal parenting? Yes. Very much, but, somehow, deep inside, I wanted to foster a certain independence from authority figures and teach her to judge her actions for herself. I was hoping to get her to laugh at everything in her responses.

This is exactly what we’ve got now, except that she has started to be a normal three year old that is pushing her limits and testing her parents by her actions. The side-effect, though, is that normal discipline is ineffective on her as she has been conditioned by the reverse response, and we must find more creative methods to correct her misbehaviors.

More direct and intellectual discussions have to take place when doling out discipline to her, with the most effective being a lack of attention. All other attempts are met with the flippant attitude that shucks the current situation off like James Dean’s character in the 1955 classic ‘Rebel Without A Cause.’

Using the reverse psychology method with Jessamyn results in a very high success rate when trying to get her to perform actions that she would at first reject.

“Jessamyn, brush your teeth.”

“No.”

“Jessamyn, don’t brush your teeth.”

“Ok.”

A mind towards caution with her must always be held, though, especially in dangerous situations. If you are in a parking lot with her and you need her to get out of the way of a approaching car, you need to pay very close attention to her responses to your concern. At first, she may stay right in the path of the vehicle and you may need to quickly apply the reverse approach to get the appropriate reaction: “Jessamyn, STAY in the roadway so you can get hit by that car” in which case she will quickly move out of the way.

In her mind, though, this is all a game that is being played between parent and child, and this game is one that she really enjoys.

In my cause and effect analysis, I realize that I’ve generated a very happy child through these actions, even though her situational awareness can be trying at times when attempting to correct her.

The game we play with reverse psychology keeps me thinking during each interaction we have, and really is something that has grown to be fun for both of us.

jp